With some encouragement, I decided to take the plunge and start my own spanking-related blog. First, I decided a bit of background information was necessary to put my toes in the water, so here goes!
I knew I was always interested in everything to do with spanking. As a child, I was rarely spanked because I was always a good girl, but I remember playing silly spanking games where one of us would pretend to be a parent and the others pretended to be naughty kids. Of course being naughty would result in a quick spanking where we would use a foam hand-shaped flyswatter over the seat of our jeans. No, a foam flyswatter does not hurt but it was all in good, silly fun and we only ever played once or twice.
Then in an upper elementary school, the teacher began reading a book called Boy by Roald Dalh. If anyone else has read it, you’ll remember there were at least a couple of school scenes where corporal punishment was used on the main character. I remember being glued to every word as the teacher read aloud and described each scene. I never really thought anything of it – just that I found it a very interesting book.
A few years later, I came across The Whipping Boy by Sid Fleischman. This time I read the book on my own and kept going back to the scenes where the young boy was whipped on behalf of the purposely naughty prince. I never knew why I liked it. I only knew that I found it incredibly interesting.
When I was a teenager, we watched the Dead Poet’s Society in one of my English classes. It had yet another scene where one of the students is paddled. I really enjoyed the entire movie, but for me what stood out was that one specific scene.
Inevitably sometime during high school when I was browsing the Internet, the temptation to search the term “spanking” became too much and there began my first online research of the subject. For years when I had time a couple nights here or there I would find romance stories where spanking (male-spanking-female) was the main theme. I would print out a few of them and hide them in my room to read at night before falling asleep. As a late teen quickly heading for adulthood, I began to realize my excitement was sexual in nature and that spanking turned me on but that was always my secret.
I only had my first ex-boyfriend and my best friend ever get close to figuring it out. We were in high school and all on our way to a Friday or Saturday night movie and those two were having a conversation in the front seats about D/s. They were joking around and trying to peg which of us girls in the group would most likely be submissive. Some how my name got on the list to which I just rolled my eyes and said, “Yeah, right…” (I wasn’t embarrassed yet, more intrigued, but I was still thinking, “Deny, deny, deny.”) Glancing back at me, my friend said, “You know it is always the quiet ones.” Then, we all started laughing and I can’t remember where the conversation went after that.
Eventually I tried to share short stories from webpages like Literotica.com to gauge my ex-boyfriend’s (long term boyfriend at the time) reaction. But, his interest really stopped at just giving me a hard smack as he passed and never progressed to anything further. After almost 5 years of a long distance relationship, I broke up with him mostly because I felt we had grown too far apart physically and emotionally, and mutual respect had become a major issue.
After the breakup, I pushed any desire for a new relationship and any strong feelings toward spanking aside and instead focused on finishing college and getting a job. Honestly, that ended up working great because now I hold a degree in Mechanical Engineering, a minor in math and I own my own house! LOL, talk about a young woman figuring out what she wants and getting it done – no wonder so many never suspected that I was a closet submissive who was into spanking. To the world, I am a strong, levelheaded, independent woman who likes to play video games and work with my hands.
A little over a year ago, I started dating a guy who is quite different than any guy I had tried dating before. He is rugged, yet kind-hearted; strong, yet gentle; opinionated, yet respectful. We communicate more than almost any relationship I’ve ever been in. Over the last year, I have very casually brought up spanking by just mentioning the word and reacting if he grabbed my backside or popped it playfully.
Close to the beginning of this year, I decided I really did want to talk about spanking. I just wasn’t sure what to say and I also wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted, so what we did was have a casual talk about fantasies. He didn’t criticize when I mentioned that spanking really turns me on when I read about it. I’m sure at the time he assumed I just meant the playful spank here and there during sex, but at least he didn’t reject the idea.
So, that brings us to a couple of months ago, when we got engaged at the beginning of March. Right after he proposed, he had me bend over the bed and he started to spank me! He started very gently and eventually I pulled down my panties. He never really spanked very hard or long that night, but we did end up making passionate love.
We hadn’t really brought up spanking again in any detail. I honestly wasn’t really sure what I wanted, so how on earth could I explain it to him. I know I wanted something more, but what exactly? Sometime in mid-March, I thought of a question that I couldn’t believe that I had never considered asking myself before.
“Why do I like spanking?”
I didn’t have an answer. I had no idea why just that I had always been fascinated by it for as long as I can remember. I decided to do what everyone does these days when they have a question … I asked the almighty Google search engine because suddenly I had to know why?
That’s when I wandered on to Bonnie’s blog My Bottom Smarts. I spent the next month and a half reading through her ENTIRE archive. Was it tedious reading through eight years worth of posts? Yes, most definitely, but it was inexplicably worth it! I couldn’t believe how open, how honest, and how real she was in every post. Up until this point, everything I read I believed to be fiction – mostly just a fantasy that many people had but didn’t really live out. I became even more intrigued and tried to absorb everything I could.
So, what did I find?
Suffice it to say, I learned a ton of information and gained a lot perspective. I’m sure I still have questions and will eventually start “delurking” (LOL, yes, I have been wandering on Hermione’s, Erica Scott‘s, and PK’s blogs). But, back to the question at hand – what did I find? I found out that I am not alone, that there isn’t anything wrong with how I feel, and that we are all normal people living perfectly normal lives. I also came to the realization that at least for me this is more than just a mere flight-of-fancy that’ll go away. It is a part of who I am, and what is amazing is that now I can share all of who I am with my soon-to-be husband.
I want to openly thank Bonnie for everything she put into MBS for eight years. Thank you for not deleting your archives and leaving up links to others!