Monthly Archives: September 2014
RIP TF, III
My fiancé’s dad passed away from injuries sustained in a motorcycle accident last Saturday. He was on vacation heading to California. He made it about halfway before the unthinkable happened. The news media says he failed to negotiate a turn, yet the crash report doesn’t even mention a turn other than it occurred near the exit. From what I can only guess right now, he should have been about ready to take an exit to fill up, so it is possible he was in the turn on the exit ramp (which the damn report should have said). We are going to the funeral tomorrow. After the funeral, I plan on making phone calls to get the secondary report which is supposed to include a diagram of the scene and I also want to see the autopsy report. Most of us are still in a state of disbelief and want to know what happened. He has been riding for 50 years…so it’s hard to believe that he simply made a mistake.
We are all in various stages of grieving. I’m fine one minute, extremely sad and filled with regret the next, and then I’ll deal with flashes of anger.
The regret is for things we didn’t have time to say, for things we won’t be able to say from now on, and for just not having more time with him. He welcomed me into the family and never made me feel left out or overlooked. He appreciated me for me.
The anger…anger at who? No one in particular. Angry at the crash report for stating the accident was in the eastbound lane when he was travelling west…not to mention the news media is reporting westbound lane. Angry that we can’t find a Will – people who matter are not fighting at all…it’s the people who don’t matter who think they are entitled to something. Angry that we had to cremate him before we could say goodbye – do I want to look at the body? No, but sometimes that’s how one can get closure.
He was at our house just last Tuesday, smiling and laughing. He had all his teeth removed in December and just got his new teeth in Thursday. He left in high spirits to go see one of his other sons and to meet up with a brother he hadn’t seen in 28 years.
He sent a text to us at 2:13pm last Friday. It said, “And we’re off.” He also attached a photo of a motorcycle bear that I gave him last year, so “we” meant him and the bear.
I replied, “Cool! Have a safe trip!”
I didn’t say, “We love you,” because I didn’t think about it. My last words seem hollow to me because it was a hurried reply while I was picking up his grandsons from school. I’m upset that I didn’t say more. It just never occurred to me that we might not see him again.
I posted the following on Facebook.
Don’t Quit
That's what my fiancé told me a couple of days ago in reference to blogging. I wasn't really planning on quitting, but with everything going on, I know I have backed off a lot on reading, commenting, and posting. It's not that I don't want to comment...I just can't think of anything to say within the limited time I have. I'm also not really sure what to write about anymore. Work takes up 8 hours, kids take up the next 8 hours, and then we take showers and finally have us time. But, that time only ends up being about 30 mins which includes foreplay (spanking), making love, and cleaning up afterward. Then we sleep. Using that as an outline and reviewing the last couple of updates, a post will consist of 0-33.3% about work, 33.3-66.7%% about kids, and 2% about spanking and/or sex. That leaves the remaining 31.3% for showers and sleep. As you can see, that doesn't bode well for a spanking-related blog.
But then, I remember that I had kept a blog before that had nothing to do with spanking. It was more of a public journal and my closest friends would read and comment very regularly, so even when we were across the country, we could easily keep in contact. Eventually, I quit posting because life got busy and we all had gone our separate ways.
Now that my time online has dwindled, I feel disconnected and the feeling remains even when I have a chance to catch up a little which is why my commenting has decreased. From my StatCounter, I can see that I still have a few people who visit my page almost every day and it makes me feel a little better to know I wouldn't just disappear and no one would notice.
I don't plan on quitting, but I can't promise that I will have many spanking-filled stories to share for the time being. Spanking is thankfully still very much present most nights even though it usually happens pretty fast. The love of my life knows that I need the stress relief and the reconnection it provides to help me feel loved and stay grounded. I even sleep better on nights that include a spanking because it forces me to focus on the here and now rather than on yesterday's problems, today's worries, or tomorrow's suprises. My mind is blissfully quiet and I can then fall into an easy sleep.
I'd really like to take a moment to thank everyone who has stuck with my fiancé and me over the last few months. You are my support group and believe me I need you. I'd also like to thank any new readers for stopping by!
Interesting Weekend
Before we got the kids, we had planned on attending a family get-together a couple of states away. Since picking up the kids, we had decided we really couldn't afford to go on the trip and I was pretty concerned about handling an eight hour trip there and back with two rambunctious boys. Sometime last week we got a phone call saying that a couple of my fiancé's family members were willing to put up money for gas and food if we would still be willing to go. After an evening of talking and me expressing my concerns and worries, we decided to pack everyone up and head out Friday around 5:30PM.
We didn't even make it to the interstate before the younger one threw up. We went back home, changed his clothes, and changed out the car seat. At around 6PM, we were ready to leave again.
We took the kids to visit some of the relatives along the way who could not attend the get-together which took up about 2.5 hours. Then, we continued on for about 1.5 hours to meet up with their grandfather (my fiancé's dad).
We met him at a gas station where he filled up the vehicles and we started to caravan. We were on the interstate no more than 10 miles when our SUV's engine overheat warning light came on - the water pump was leaking. So we had to pull over, get water to cool the engine, and head to a friend's house to borrow a vehicle. We parked the SUV, transfered our luggage, and quickly left at 11:30PM to continue on to our destination. We finally arrived around 5:30AM. What should have been an eight hour drive ended up being a twelve hour roadtrip.
Thankfully, we all made it just fine albeit exhausted. We took naps and then caught up with the relatives. We had a BBQ for dinner and then put the boys down to sleep. The rest of us talked and had a good time until my fiancé's step-mom had a seizure. She's had them before but this is the first time that my fiancé and his sister witnessed it and had to help hold her down so she wouldn't hurt herself. When she came out of the seizure, she was able to calm down and sleep the rest of the night. Everyone else kept an eye on her and we continued to catch up with the family. I was able to talk and bond a little with my future sister-in-law. Everyone is very supportive with our decision to step up and help raise the boys and we all hope for the best for their parents to sort things out and get back on their feet.
We left the next morning to get back home before dark. We picked up our SUV on the way and brought a lot of water with us. We had to stop twice to add it which used up everything we had before we finally made it home. Needless to say, we were glad to be home! We did have a lot of fun getting to see everyone and the boys had a blast, so even though the trip was crazy it was still well worth it!
My fiancé helped relieve some of the stress the night we arrrived home with a little help of a cane, and Monday night, he was daring enough to make use of the paddle which was amazing. Last night, I asked him to spank me with the cane again because I needed longer and harder with a more quiet implement, so he stepped up to the plate and let me have it! Nothing like a sound spanking and really hot sex to relieve stress!