Thank you for the well wishes, Everyone!

My surgery went well this morning. 

My fiancé and I arrived at the hospital at 6:13 AM this morning and went through admissions which didn’t take too long since I went through pre-op yesterday.  Then, I was called back so they could check vitals and insert the IV.  My heart rate was about 113 bpm and my fingers and toes were freezing.  They gave me a warm blanket and brought in a syringe full of lidocaine to insert the IV which stung like crazy.  Then, they gave me three different anti-nausea medicines and something to make me relax.  As the drugs kicked in, they let me kiss my fiancé and sent him back to the waiting room while they wheeled me away.  We arrived in the surgical room where they pumped anesthesia meds into the IV and put an oxygen mask on my face.  I was out in less than a minute.

I came to about 30 minutes later in the recovery area and the first two things out of my mouth were…1) When can I see my fiancé? and, 2) I’m not feeling very comfortable down there.

She said as soon as she was done with some paperwork she would go get him, and then she ran off to see if she could inject some pain killers into my IV.  I was now content and completely aware but I was also still sleepy so I dozed off while she finished filling out the papers.

The love of my life came in shortly thereafter in time to hear that I needed to rest and relax for a day or two and that I needed to come back for a follow up in a week or two.  The nurse sent him to get the car, she helped me get dressed, and we were out of the door around 9AM.  We drove the half hour home and he dropped me off at my mom’s.  I ate a normal breakfast and slept most of the afternoon.  I’ve taken two 1/2 pills of pain killers and only feel funny with cramps every now and then.  

My fiancé went back to work and picked me up from Mom’s around 6:30 PM to go home.  The boys were great and asked if i was OK.  I just showed them where they put a bandage over the IV and said I’m doing well (I wasn’t about to explain the procedure to them since it was all related to female parts of the body).  My love told them not to jump on me for a few days, then we ate dinner and now I’m in bed typing up this post.  🙂

Even after sleeping a lot today, I’m still a bit drowsy and I’m looking forward to trying to relax and getting lots of cuddles.

Random Ramblings

I'd like to thank everyone who participated in this year's LOL9 event last week.  I definitely had a fun and exciting time giving, receiving, and replying to comments.  There is just something about knowing you are not alone and that someone else out there may be going through the same thing that you are. Just maybe we will be able to help each other by sharing experiences, providing encouragement and being a part of that much needed support group.  This community is awesome! 🙂 

In my last entry, I mentioned doing a Walk Down Memory Lane post and I just want to let you know that I am working on it and will use it for my 50th post.  This post is number 48, so you won't have to wait too long I hope. 

In other news, we still have four house guests (two boys and two parents) so privacy is limited to our bedroom at night.  We can't use our gameroom because the chances of being walked in on or overheard are too high.  This unfortunately still doesn't allow for much more than a random swat or a few whacks with the cane which definitely hurts more on a bottom that isn't used to it anymore.  😦 

Our sex life is still going strong even without being able to play.  My fiancé has been losing weight by not eating much and working long hours almost every day.  When he finally walks in the door, I have to fight the urge to run and jump on him.  I absolutely love seeing him without his shirt on...He is just so sexy that I can barely keep my hands off of him as he heads to or from the shower, so of course touching and teasing work perfectly to get us both excited. 

Another reason that I can't seem to get enough of making love/having sex/fucking is because I know I'm about to have to go 4-6 weeks without it.  I have that LEEP treatment/minor surgery next Tuesday which I am still refusing to think about.  So thankful that I'll be knocked out.  I know it isn't the end of the world having this procedure and not being allowed to have sex for a while, but that doesn't make it any less scary.  I plan on taking Monday off for Pre-Op, Tuesday off for surgery, and Wednesday off because I feel like I need a damn day off! 

Lately, I've just been tired all the time.  I think the following (found through Google Image search) sums up what I need quite nicely. 

Sometimes... 

Oh, and if I don't want to go to bed, then it just means I need to be spanked some more...

It’s Day Two of this year’s Love Our Lurkers event!

I want to thank everyone who has stopped by so far to comment and even provide answers to yesterday's Three & Three challenge!  I'd also like to encourage others to leave comments as they stroll around blogland today!  I love hearing from my readers because you all offer wonderful advice, support, and enouragement even if it's just a quick, "Hi there!"  Sometimes all you need is someone to listen and knowing you are there can make all the difference. 

For those that are new here, I apologize that the last couple of months have been a bit rough and my posts reflect that.  For more entertaining posts, please feel free to browse through my archive if you have time, or perhaps wait a few days and I will publish a Walk Down Memory Lane post with links and summaries. 

I am truly amazed at the explosion of activity going on and I'm very glad that this year's event is two days! 

Again, I extend a heartfelt thank you to my fellow bloggers and lurkers for accepting me into this wonderful community!

Three & Three and LOL Days

Erica Scott passed along an interesting challenge (suggested by Six of the Best and found here) of picking three of your saddest memories and then three of your happiest. This little challenge is actually a lot more difficult than one would think even for someone who is only 26. While trying to come up with memories or moments of being sad in my life, I’ve noticed something…quite a few of those sad times led to some very happy times, so does that mean they don’t really count as sad times? That they weren’t really all that bad? Not at all. What it does mean is that you have to take the good with the bad because all of it has helped make you who you are today.  You cannot have one without the other because you wouldn’t be able to appreciate your happiest times without having to make it through your saddest times. In those rough moments, you have to remember that things will get better and it is good to also think about everything you have been through to be who and where you are today. So after reading my three and three, please feel free to continue the challenge either by commenting here or posting on your own blog! 

Three Saddest Memories (in order of sad to saddest): 

1) We moved around a lot when I was younger, so it really came as no surprise when we had to pick up and move after my ninth grade year. However, we had lived in that location for seven years. I had friends (or so I thought) and already knew almost everyone in the little town, but now we have to move. At the time, I was devastated and scared to have to move to a new location where I didn’t know anyone. 

2) (I know this one is very vague.) During this summer, I went through a few moments of thinking I had lost everything. There was a bunch of miscommunication, hurt feelings, and just general stupid shit going on. I was crushed and ready for everything to just end. At the time, I thought I wasn’t worth the trouble. 

3) RIP TF III. We lost my fiancé’s father on September 20th of this year.  This was a devastating blow to everyone. He accepted me for who I am and he always expressed how much he appreciated me for stepping up for his grandsons. I can’t believe he’s gone. It still feels like he is on vacation and just hasn’t made it home yet. I know it isn’t possible. I’ve seen and touched the clothes he was wearing when it happened, and we also have some of his ashes now. It still isn’t real though. I try not to allow myself to feel the grief because it just hurts too much. I’ve paid for the additional medical examiner reports, so we are waiting on those to arrive. Maybe then I will have some closure.  

Three Happiest Memories (in order from happy to happiest): 

1) I was the drum major for my high school band during my senior year. I loved the experience and also vowed never to do it again. I grew a lot that year and became more confident in my abilities to be a leader. 

2) During my second summer in college, I was accepted into an awesome NASA internship program. I met some amazing new friends and spent an awesome 10 weeks from home. The experience was so amazing that I went back three more times. During the last two summers, I was employed as the operations manager for the program where I was the one in control of creating a memorable experience for the interns under my watch. So, for my final summer, I managed to get all of us down to Cape Canaveral to see the final shuttle launch! Now, that was an experience I’m sure they’ll never forget! 

3) As with any relationship, we do have our ups and downs and disagreements. But, without a doubt, I consider some of my happiest moments to be those that I spend with my fiancé. He knows everything about me. I’ve never been more open and honest with anyone in my life. We are there for each other. He is my best friend, my lover, and my future husband. He has also promised me a very sore bottom when the next available opportunity presents itself. 🙂 LOL! 

Speaking of LOL… 

 

The ninth annual Love our Lurkers Days are almost here!  On November 12th & 13th, everyone is welcome to join in and comment around blogland.  All of us bloggers enjoy sharing part of ourselves with our readers and on these days we would love it if you would leave a comment. You don’t have to say much, just a little, “Hello!” will do or you can provide your own answers to the challenge mentioned earlier. I am definitely very excited to be able to participate myself this year both as a blogger and as a lurker! 

For more information, please visit Hermione’s Heart.

Just when you think things will start to settle down. Everything changes…again.

I took a break from blogging because I didn't know what I did or did not want to share with the online world.  One of the things I love about Erica's blog is how real she is.  She doesn't hide much about who she is or how she feels.  I've taken a leaf out of her book and tried to do that here.  I want my readers to know me.  I want to share my experiences and talk about life (and when life includes spanking, I like to share that too).  I do keep names out of my blog to protect my family, friends, and professional life, but even my nickname, Jay, is real.  So, that's why I don't only talk about spanking and create exciting stories.  Some days, it's just about reality... 

Last Tuesday, we received a message from the boys' father and stepmother.  They would be arriving that evening and needed a place to stay for at least a week.  We had no idea what their plan was but we said that they could stay for a little while.  All week they have been dropping of applications for jobs all over town with hopes of getting a job local to us.  They want to start renting in town and then eventually (hopefully sooner rather than later) settle down enough to take the boys back.  We have been going over routines and they can see how much the boys have changed.  The older one can still be a bit hyper, but overall he has grown a lot over the time we've had him. 

The issues now? 

1) The parents have helped take care of the kids and clean around the house since they arrived, but they absolutely have to get jobs. When it was just the two of us, we had to budget but we could afford to go to the movies and eat out every now and then while still catching up on bills.  When the kids moved in, we had to cut out everything extra.  I have very little in emergency savings and everything else that comes in goes out immediately.  My fiancé took an hourly job so he could be guaranteed a check every week and so that he could be home to help me with the kids, but we still have business debts that we are slowly paying off.  Plus, I'm still paying off student loans and bills from remodeling our house.  Now throw in feeding the kids, school expenses, and extra curriculars.  We were only just getting by with help from the other brother.  Now that it seems the parents are ready to settle down, maybe things will work themselves out and money will come from where it is supposed to...not to mention, we CANNOT afford to keep feeding the parents in addition to everyone else. 

2) Our game room is now being used as a makeshift bedroom/storage room for all of their things.  This was where we could play darts and I could get spanked with something other than a cane because sound doesn't travel well through brick walls.  Now, however, there is barely any room to move because when the parents arrived they brought everything they had carry in the vehicle that dropped them off.  As long as it's temporary, it's really not that big of deal. 

3) My parents are driving me nuts because they want to know what's going on all the time.  We understand their concern...but damn, calm down! 

4) Spanking greatly decreased in the last few weeks especially with relatives visiting and two more people in the house, which makes for relieving any of my stress impossible. Last night, we tried to get in a little play time with the cane, but it's honestly just too much for me because we don't have the privacy, time, or energy to put in the effort to do a nice warm up and build up to the harder play that I need right now. 

5) "What's wrong?  Talk to me." I've been hearing that a lot lately.  My fiancé can tell there is something up but isn't sure what.  It makes it really hard to talk to him when I can't even put what I'm feeling into words.  I think I finally figured it out last night while talking to him, but realizing what is bothering me doesn't make me feel any better about it.  In fact, knowing what's up just makes me feel guilty.  So what is it?  I am jealous, but not in the way you would normally think.  I'm not jealous of another woman. I am jealous of the time that he has to give others. We do not get to spend nearly as much time together anymore which is causing me to feel like something is missing, that I'm being left out, and that he doesn't care about me as much as he used to.  I didn't notice it at first and when I finally realized something was bothering me I just couldn't figure out what it was.  I love the boys even though they are handfuls.  I love my fiancé's family, so why was I feeling so dreadfully down?  It's simply because we went from just you and me to you, the boys, random visits from relatives on both sides, the boys' parents, and me.  We end up spending all our energy and efforts on other people so that when we finally have time for us, our nerves are frayed and we have little to no patience with each other.  As a result of all the stress and hurt feelings, I've been depressed, more emotional, can't concentrate, and am easily irritated.  But, I put on a pretty good front and only my fiancé has been very aware that I seemed depressed...or as he put it, "It looks like you hate your life." No, I don't hate my life.  I love my life and all its craziness.  We have just been through a ridiculous amount of stuff in a very short period of time...I mean who wouldn't get edgy? 

6) I have to have minor surgery during the Thanksgiving break.  It's an out-patient procedure, and I will have to be knocked out.  I've never been knocked out before and even though I'm glad I will be (because I definitely do not want to be awake for this), I'm scared.  I'm refusing to think about it because every time I do I just want to curl up into a ball and cry.  Irrational? Of course, I'm being irrational which is why I won't think about it.  Actually, reading about Erica's recent surgery has made me feel a lot better about mine.  Not because the surgeries are at all similar (mine is pretty simple - LEEP treatment to remove precancerous cells)...but it's because she had a surgery and is OK, so I will be too.  

(I will add links later when I have access to my computer.)