Category Archives: Communication

"Why do any of us blog anymore?"

This post is in response to Erica Scott‘s post “Rant: Yes, I’m frustrated.”  At first, I had planned on just commenting, but then my comment turned into ~500 words so instead of taking up a ton of room in her comment section, I decided to just post and link back to it instead. 🙂
 
First, let’s answer the question, “Why did you start blogging?” 
I tried for years to keep a private journal, but it never failed to fail – I would write for maybe a week and then abruptly stop. Why? Because in my mind, why on earth would I need to write down my own thoughts as if I wasn’t the one having them? I know what I think so why would I need to write it down?  It isn’t doing me any good.  Now granted, I really do understand that it really does help some people.  To those people, journaling is a way to get out negative feelings and document important things in one’s life.  For me, it just never worked.  When I started my first very vanilla, every-day-life blog, all of my friends at the time new about it and had his or her own so we had our own private online community where we could talk, complain, ask questions, and gain perspective by offering opinions.  We could share our experiences which allowed us to learn and grow by opening our minds to other ideas.  It allowed us to gain perspective.  But in the end, comments started to dwindle, life started happening (for me, college was kicking into high gear and the beginning of a career was on the horizon), and slowly posts/updates started to fade.  That blog lasted eight years.
So, back to Erica’s question, “Why do any of us blog anymore?”  I just started my non-vanilla blog a couple of days ago.  I blog for the exact same reasons I started blogging ten years ago – to share experiences, hear other opinions, and gain perspective.  Sure, some will join us and some will bid us farewell.  The world will keep spinning and life goes on with a heavy heart on some days and skip in our steps the next.  C’est la vie!
 
As for comments, I could definitely imagine new posts getting lost very easily if one is following a ton of blogs, especially if everyone decides to update in one day – that could be a very happy nightmare (YAY, people are posting!  OMG, I have more than a hundred to read before work tomorrow!?).  I’ve been lurking around four blogs in particular since about March.  At first, I didn’t want to comment because I was spending a ton of time catching up so it seemed pointless to comment on non-current posts (though I definitely thought about it).  Now, that I have 1) more or less caught up and 2) a blog and a [nick]name of my own I feel more comfortable delurking.  I did notice it was mentioned that some lurkers seem to get the feeling that they aren’t welcome to add thoughts because everyone seems to know each other already…well, I read through a ton of posts and through the ton-of-posts’ comments, but I personally never felt excluded or offended in any way.  Had I happened upon these posts when they were being posted, I feel I would have delurked a lot sooner.  Alas, I cannot change the past, so moving forward, I intend to comment as the urge arises.  
 
I don’t think I’ve ever felt more welcomed and accepted by a group of people I haven’t even chatted with/e-mailed/met/etc. 🙂

"Tell me what you’re thinking…"

I pulled the following excerpt from a story called “First Punishment” by verogenous which was posted on Literotica.com.  In this excerpt, we never actually get to the “first punishment” that is mentioned in the title, but this introduction really spoke volumes to me when I first came across it, so I just thought I’d share it…
—–

Since I was about 18 or so I have known I am sexually turned on by spanking and dominance. I accidentally ran across a “spanking magazine” and read a story about a young woman being spanked and made love to by her “Dom”. It turned me on so much I read that story over and over again until I almost had it memorized. By the time I met my husband and married him I had done as much reading as I could at that time (1982) on the subject and found many other forms of spanking and dominance had also turned me on. Somehow I just knew this little kink of mine was not a good thing and most people would never understand, so I had decided very early on, I would just have to keep this little dirty secret to myself. And I did until… 

One night about 6 months after we were married we were lying in bed talking after spending a long time making love and he pulled me close to him, looked me in the eye “Tell me what you’re thinking” 

This was a normal routine for us, since we were young and still learning I guess he had insecurities too that needed to be addressed, thus asking me on a regular basis my thoughts. As usual with me I was afraid to actually admit that I had been thinking sex would have been a whole lot better had he of taken me over his lap and spanked me slowly and sensually until my bottom was red all over and hot to the touch. Instead I answered that question as I always had 

“Nothing, just enjoying the afterglow.”  

At this point he would smile and hug me close to him and we would usually go to sleep, me lying on his chest and his body wrapped around mine.  

This night however; was not going to be the same for either of us again. He sighs heavily 
“Are you sure that’s what’s on your mind “little one”? 

Those words made my stomach flutter and my sex starting twitching and began to get really hot. I looked at him, studying his expression, his deep blue eyes staring a hole through me, yet he was slightly grinning at me. I looked at him for a long time before finally asking,
“What would make you ask me that again?”  

He sighed again and pulled me even closer to him and whispered in my ear.
“I think I know a naughty little girl who may need her ass spanked for not being honest with me.” 

I was so stunned at his words, I actually jumped off the bed and stood there, literally shaking and starring at him, I couldn’t talk, my mouth was dry and my throat was totally constricted. His eyes began to sparkle and he broke out into a huge smile as he reached under the bed and pulled out my “collection” of books, magazines and pictures I had cut out of magazines of different spanking implements. I was so totally shocked, I felt my knees knocking and my legs become too weak to hold me up, I fell to the floor onto my knees, leaning back on my heels, I can feel the embarrassment flood throughout my body as my whole body to the top of my head blushed profusely. The whole time asking myself how in the hell he found the box, it had been hidden back in our guest room closet where I keep the extra blankets and junk I don’t want anyone to see. My hubby had been quite busy it seems and had actually taken the time to read my material and do a little research of his own. He had decided when the time was right he would let me know, as always with this man, he took his time and made sure whatever it is he’s involving himself in he needs to be sure he understands and knows what he’s doing. He reached over and wiped the stray lock of hair that had fallen over my eye, wrapped it around my ear and moved to the floor where I was kneeling and sat beside me, holding me tightly to his chest and then begins to speak. He turned my face so that I was looking into his eyes.  

“Baby doll” (That’s my nickname he has always used for me) “Why didn’t you tell me you were into spanking and D/s?”  

I was still unable to speak and leaned my head on his shoulder. He pulls me back and makes me look directly into his eyes; I see nothing but love and a whole lot of lust. Anyway, to make a long story short, I finally did open up and told him how turned on I get from spanking and dominance. He in turn opened up to me, letting me know he had never given it any thought until he stumbled across my “secret box”. He expressed a sincere desire to indulge both of us in this little kink of mine and had come up with all sorts of ideas he would like to try as well. We began our little journey that night as he pulled us both up off the floor together and sat down on the bed, slowly turned me over his lap and ever so lovingly spanked me until I was begging him to make love to me again. Needless to say, that night we slept maybe two hours and nine months later our first beautiful little boy came into this world.

Verogenous. “First Punishment.” Literotica.com. Literotica, 15 Nov. 2005. Web. 06 May 2014. .
—–

Before I started being more open with my fiancé, we would have moments in bed just after making love where the dialogue for the beginning of this story could have been ours verbatim.  Why didn’t I ever say anything?  Because I was embarrassed!  Because I hadn’t accepted that part of me.  Because I wasn’t really sure of what I wanted, though spanking was certainly the predominating item on a very short list.  How could I say “I want you to spank me…no, not those silly love pats.  I mean really spank me.”  Or, maybe I was wrong? Maybe I just thought I wanted it.  Maybe it should just stay a fantasy.

Eventually, we did talk about it after I casually brought it up a few times.  My fiancé has been a big help in getting me to be more open.  He even realizes that spanking is a part of me – it is more than just a fantasy.  He accepts me for who I am and now our communication is improving and our lovemaking has increased greatly.  Even though this did take him by surprise and he was a little hesitant, we are helping each other work through our reservations and becoming stronger as a couple.

A Bit of Background Info

With some encouragement, I decided to take the plunge and start my own spanking-related blog. First, I decided a bit of background information was necessary to put my toes in the water, so here goes!
 
I knew I was always interested in everything to do with spanking.  As a child, I was rarely spanked because I was always a good girl, but I remember playing silly spanking games where one of us would pretend to be a parent and the others pretended to be naughty kids.  Of course being naughty would result in a quick spanking where we would use a foam hand-shaped flyswatter over the seat of our jeans.  No, a foam flyswatter does not hurt but it was all in good, silly fun and we only ever played once or twice.
 
Then in an upper elementary school, the teacher began reading a book called Boy by Roald Dalh.  If anyone else has read it, you’ll remember there were at least a couple of school scenes where corporal punishment was used on the main character.  I remember being glued to every word as the teacher read aloud and described each scene.  I never really thought anything of it – just that I found it a very interesting book. 
 
A few years later, I came across The Whipping Boy by Sid Fleischman.  This time I read the book on my own and kept going back to the scenes where the young boy was whipped on behalf of the purposely naughty prince.  I never knew why I liked it.  I only knew that I found it incredibly interesting.
 
When I was a teenager, we watched the Dead Poet’s Society in one of my English classes.  It had yet another scene where one of the students is paddled.  I really enjoyed the entire movie, but for me what stood out was that one specific scene. 
 
Inevitably sometime during high school when I was browsing the Internet, the temptation to search the term “spanking” became too much and there began my first online research of the subject.  For years when I had time a couple nights here or there I would find romance stories where spanking (male-spanking-female) was the main theme.  I would print out a few of them and hide them in my room to read at night before falling asleep.  As a late teen quickly heading for adulthood, I began to realize my excitement was sexual in nature and that spanking turned me on but that was always my secret. 
 
I only had my first ex-boyfriend and my best friend ever get close to figuring it out.  We were in high school and all on our way to a Friday or Saturday night movie and those two were having a conversation in the front seats about D/s.  They were joking around and trying to peg which of us girls in the group would most likely be submissive.  Some how my name got on the list to which I just rolled my eyes and said, “Yeah, right…” (I wasn’t embarrassed yet, more intrigued, but I was still thinking, “Deny, deny, deny.”)  Glancing back at me, my friend said, “You know it is always the quiet ones.”  Then, we all started laughing and I can’t remember where the conversation went after that.
Eventually I tried to share short stories from webpages like Literotica.com to gauge my ex-boyfriend’s (long term boyfriend at the time) reaction.  But, his interest really stopped at just giving me a hard smack as he passed and never progressed to anything further.  After almost 5 years of a long distance relationship, I broke up with him mostly because I felt we had grown too far apart physically and emotionally, and mutual respect had become a major issue. 
 
After the breakup, I pushed any desire for a new relationship and any strong feelings toward spanking aside and instead focused on finishing college and getting a job.  Honestly, that ended up working great because now I hold a degree in Mechanical Engineering, a minor in math and I own my own house!  LOL, talk about a young woman figuring out what she wants and getting it done – no wonder so many never suspected that I was a closet submissive who was into spanking.   To the world, I am a strong, levelheaded, independent woman who likes to play video games and work with my hands.
 
A little over a year ago, I started dating a guy who is quite different than any guy I had tried dating before.  He is rugged, yet kind-hearted; strong, yet gentle; opinionated, yet respectful.  We communicate more than almost any relationship I’ve ever been in.  Over the last year, I have very casually brought up spanking by just mentioning the word and reacting if he grabbed my backside or popped it playfully.
 
Close to the beginning of this year, I decided I really did want to talk about spanking.  I just wasn’t sure what to say and I also wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted, so what we did was have a casual talk about fantasies.  He didn’t criticize when I mentioned that spanking really turns me on when I read about it.   I’m sure at the time he assumed I just meant the playful spank here and there during sex, but at least he didn’t reject the idea.
 
So, that brings us to a couple of months ago, when we got engaged at the beginning of March.   Right after he proposed, he had me bend over the bed and he started to spank me!  He started very gently and eventually I pulled down my panties.  He never really spanked very hard or long that night, but we did end up making passionate love. 
 
We hadn’t really brought up spanking again in any detail.  I honestly wasn’t really sure what I wanted, so how on earth could I explain it to him.  I know I wanted something more, but what exactly?  Sometime in mid-March, I thought of a question that I couldn’t believe that I had never considered asking myself before.
 
“Why do I like spanking?”
 
I didn’t have an answer.  I had no idea why just that I had always been fascinated by it for as long as I can remember.  I decided to do what everyone does these days when they have a question … I asked the almighty Google search engine because suddenly I had to know why?
 
That’s when I wandered on to Bonnie’s blog My Bottom Smarts.  I spent the next month and a half reading through her ENTIRE archive.  Was it tedious reading through eight years worth of posts?  Yes, most definitely, but it was inexplicably worth it!  I couldn’t believe how open, how honest, and how real she was in every post.  Up until this point, everything I read I believed to be fiction – mostly just a fantasy that many people had but didn’t really live out.  I became even more intrigued and tried to absorb everything I could.
 
So, what did I find?
 
Suffice it to say, I learned a ton of information and gained a lot perspective.  I’m sure I still have questions and will eventually start “delurking” (LOL, yes, I have been wandering on Hermione’s, Erica Scott‘s, and PK’s blogs).  But, back to the question at hand – what did I find?  I found out that I am not alone, that there isn’t anything wrong with how I feel, and that we are all normal people living perfectly normal lives.   I also came to the realization that at least for me this is more than just a mere flight-of-fancy that’ll go away.  It is a part of who I am, and what is amazing is that now I can share all of who I am with my soon-to-be husband.
 

I want to openly thank Bonnie for everything she put into MBS for eight years.  Thank you for not deleting your archives and leaving up links to others!

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