One year ago yesterday, I came across this post on FB and took a screenshot. I was in a completely different place…deep in grief, anxiety, PTSD, fear, and depression. Recovering and rebuilding takes a lot of work. A lot of wondering how you’ll ever feel okay again. With a lot of love, patience, and support from family and friends, I’ve overcome so many things…from dealing with guilt to continuing to work through insecurities to reconnecting with old friends and making new ones to finding “home“.
I in no way want to diminish or invalidate what others have gone or are going through. I am not comparing your experience to mine. I am simply sharing. This year has been tough for all of us. We have all experienced fear, loss, and heartbreak. Some days, it’s been overwhelming and one small word can throw you into despair. One thing that I had to learn to do this year was to reach out and actively stay in touch with people I care about and who care about me. I could not do this alone. I have been lucky enough to experience a lot of personal growth and make progress through such a challenging year. I know I’m not finished growing, learning, and experiencing new things. I know it won’t always be easy. I also know that I am not alone. I have hope for the future, I feel more secure, and I finally believe that I am and will be okay.
To all of you who have so patiently helped me get this far, I am forever grateful our paths crossed and that you are a part of my life, my chosen family. You guys are truly amazing people, and I hope that I can always be there for you as you have been for me. I love you all. 💗🤝
For those who are struggling, please don’t lose hope and remember this…
To everyone, please do what you can to be safe, take care of each other, and have a Happy New Year!
I cleaned a window in my house today. I know that doesn’t seem like much. Around this time last year, my parents and I spent one entire weekend cleaning the floors and another weekend cleaning doors and windows throughout the house. We were literally washing away the filth that Tom left. However, there are two 36” x 72” windows that were never touched because they are a bit difficult to get to. The one over the kitchen sink and the one in the utility room.
A lot has happened in the last year. The Covid-19 pandemic is still touching every part of the world. Everyone is worn out. Everyone misses someone or something. For a while, I had given up on putting anymore effort into continuing to turn my house back into a home. I mean…no one was going to come over to see it anyway.
Another thing that happened was my mom broke her hip the day after last Christmas. She still isn’t completely back to normal. Recently, she’s been dealing with severe headaches and migraines. She has an MRI scheduled for Friday. Last week, she saw a liver specialist because her lab work showed some elevated numbers. She’ll have a liver ultrasound and a fibroscan done next Wednesday.
I don’t think I mentioned this on my blog before because it happened when I had stepped away from blogging, but my sister and her family had moved a little less than four hours away back in 2018. There was a bit of a family blowup, and they were basically told to grow up. Long story short, they are back. My parents helped pay to move them down there and have now helped pay to move them back. I still own almost three acres. I have the brick house, my parents have a double-wide mobile home, and my sister and her family are back in a single-wide mobile home on my property. I’m really not sure how much “growing up” they did considering they’re back. I’ve been at their place every weekend helping them put furniture back together, unpack, and organize.
Back at my house, there is still quite a bit that I’d like to get done. I’ve been waiting on a roofing contractor. My insurance company is covering a full replacement minus the deductible. The contractor is supposed to quote the cost of adding a gable roof over my back porch. He already agreed to do the rest of the roof…I’m just hoping he’s reasonable with the addition. Back in June, my brother helped me gut my middle bathroom, so it’s ready to be remodeled along with some other work here and there.
On top of all of that, I stopped exercising consistently. After working out almost every day for months, I had only worked out four times in like eight weeks. Granted…during that eight weeks, I got covid from my nephew when he started going to school up here a little over a month ago. It wasn’t easy, but I forced myself to get up and continue working from home. I have since recovered, but I still cannot taste or smell things. Sometimes, I’ll catch a hint, but after a couple of bites, the flavor is mostly gone.
This virus really does affect everyone differently. My dad caught it, developed pneumonia, and couldn’t do anything for two weeks. My cousin got it and passed away a week later. My nephew had allergy and cold symptoms. I felt more like I had a really bad sinus infection or the flu. You just don’t know what will happen until you get it, so I hope that everyone is doing all they can to stay safe and protect yourselves and others.
The election was another thing that caused a lot of tension and anxiety. I don’t like talking about politics here, so I’ll just say that I’m glad it’s over.
I’ve met some truly amazing people this year both online and in person. Heck, we even pulled off one of the best surprise birthday gifts I’ve ever had the honor of being a part of. Right now, I miss hanging out with my friends. The last couple of months have felt like forever because so much has happened. Or it really feels that way anyway.
So, yes, I cleaned a window today. The sun is shining, and it’s a nice 70 degrees outside. I worked out for the second day in a row (and worked out twice last week). I even took a multivitamin for the third day in a row. Today, I have a little more hope than I’ve had in a while.