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Update on Wanting It All by Livia Grant

For those of you who wandered over to the Wanting It All story on Literotica from my post back in June, I just wanted to let you know that the author LB Grant has taken it down from the site.  I just happened to notice this because I was in the middle of reading it again when it went down, so I wandered over to her biography page and found that she has a few release dates with Blushing Books that we can look forward to under the pen name Livia Grant!  The orignal story is broken into two books as part of the Passion Series.  The first book is called Wanting It All with a publish date around August 5th, and second book is called Securing It All with a publish date around September 5th of this year.  The third book is the continuation of the story called Having It All and a fourth book (not yet titled) will be available towards the end of the year.  If interested, you can read more about it here

Congratulations, LB Grant!  I'm very excited for you and can't wait to order my copy of your first book!
Edit - The release date for the first book has been pushed back to August 22nd.  It is still worth the wait!
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Wanting It All

So, speaking of wanting it all, there is a twelve-chapter story on Literotica that I really got into at the end of last year.  It’s appropriately titled Wanting It All by LB Grant.  This well-written story touches on many facets of BDSM and TTWD.  Some scenes appealed to me and others definitely stretched my limits. However, LB has the ability to keep you engaged and connected with each of the characters even through harder, more intense scenes.

Throughout the story, there is never a dull moment even in-between the scenes.  She uses this normally uneventful space to allow for a natural progression in the storyline and to create connections among the various characters.  Before you know it, you are suddenly emotionally invested.  You want – no, you need everything to magically work out for everyone involved.

This story shows why open communication is so important in relationships.  It shows why some secrets and personal desires are meant to be shared especially with someone you love and trust.  It clearly shows the importance of safewords and the difference between consent and abuse – although it could be argued that you cannot make things right by two wrongs (cheating + borderline consent/non-consent punishment normally does not = happily ever after). Even so, the story is certainly intriguing.

Personally, there were two things that really appealed to me – 1) Every character has a chance to examine his/her own faults and how each had a hand in how they got to where they are today.  Each person looks back on his/her experiences and learns from them. 2) At some point, two of the Doms (as well as the women themselves) realize that they actually have no desire to change the women they love from who they are.  The women are strong-willed, opinionated, and independent, but sometimes they need a strong, level-headed man to take them in hand and give them what they desire.  They all learn that they don’t want to lose the playful banter and sassiness that easily go back and forth during normal every day activities, but sometimes, especially in the bedroom, they want to play.  In other words, they “want it all.”

Overall, I recommend giving this story a try.  Just remember some scenes are a little tough to get through (try to skim/skip over them if they are too much for you) because I promise it does get better and some scenes at the end are very good learning experiences for everyone.

All scenes are M/F.  Some scenes I would classify as somewhat hardcore, especially for some. Almost all scenes include bondage, some non-consent/reluctance, some anal play, minor ageplay, one gynecological doctor scene, Domination/submission, power exchange, domestic discipline, etc.

Synopsis:
The first chapter starts off with a pretty heavy scene where the main character, Brianna, is in the middle of cheating on her husband with her ex-boyfriend.  It very quickly goes from consensual spanking play to non-consensual sex.  Now, normally stories that begin like this, I do not get into because it’s just not my cup o’ tea, but I decided to stick with it and kept reading.

Over the next couple chapters, Brianna is found out by her husband who takes her to be punished at a local dungeon where he just so happens to know the owner (look who else is keeping secrets?!).

Once her husband leaves, Brianna is coerced (mostly through guilt) into signing an agreement to proceed with being punished.  So, it starts.  Intermixed with phases of her punishment, you begin to understand why Brianna did what she did.  You are also introduced to her husband’s past and find out how secretive everyone has been up to this point.

As secrets are revealed and pasts are analyzed, more characters get involved and suddenly it’s considerably more complicated than a single couple’s marital problems.  Emotions run high, inner demons are fought, limits are pushed, and trust must be rebuilt.  After the climax of the story (which is chalk full of emotional turmoil for both the characters and the reader – that’s the only warning you’ll get from me), you get to see love and trust begin anew and you will bear witness to an experienced dom gently introducing a newbie to the scene.  You’ll be exposed to a softer, loving side of D/s which is exactly what we all need to wind down.

As one crazy weekend of Wanting It All comes to a close, I for one cannot wait until the next story comes out where we actually get a taste of Having It All.

I’d like to openly thank LB Grant for the exciting ride that she has provided us with so far!

Acceptance – "It’s ok, I’ve got you."

When you think of acceptance, usually what comes to mind is the act of either being accepted by others or you accepting others who may or may not be different from yourself.  


As kids, many of us went through an adolescent period of trying to fit in…of being accepted by our peers.  Now, if your peers didn’t like who you were, then you would feel judged and hurt.  In order to make life easier on yourself, you would start to adjust to what everyone would consider the “norm” even if that meant hiding or changing something about yourself.   The desire to simply be accepted overran being true to who you were.

As adults who now have adult desires, many of us have gone through similar circumstances again, especially if you are into something considered a little different or kinky, e.g. having the desire to spank or be spanked.  But, even as grown men and women who understand the importance of tolerance and acceptance, why are so many of us still afraid or embarrassed to express that kinky want, desire, and/or need?  Sometimes I think it’s because of the other part of acceptance that isn’t always thought about.  

Acceptance isn’t only about being accepted by someone else or you accepting someone else.  It is also about you accepting who you are.  This simple act of acceptance is what I love about this community.  Here, we can accept others for who they are and allow people to be open about what they want without judging.  This empowers others to accept themselves which in turn builds self-confidence and leads to better communication in all surrounding relationships.


I came across the following story and thought it applied well with this topic.  I enjoyed it because it focuses more on the inner turmoil from the range of emotions (fear, doubt, resistance) and the emotional release thereafter that one can experience around that first (or any) spanking. The story is called Her First Spanking” by darkenhorse .

Her First Spanking” by darkenhorse 

Suddenly I’m not sure if I’ve made the right choice. A wave of fear washes over me and I’m about to get up and tell him to forget about the whole thing when his hand moves to my back, pushing gently but firmly and keeping me in position over his knee. 

“It’s ok, I’ve got you.” 

It should be illegal to have a voice that sexy. That was my first thought on meeting Mr Matthew Holder four and a half years ago. Actually that’s a lie, my first thought was ‘What an arrogant, pompous ass!’. To be fair to him I had arrived in the middle of a rant against the state of British tennis, a sore topic for a man who once dreamed of Grand Slam finals. I later discovered him to be one of the humblest, kindest men I’ve ever met and the love of my life, a far cry from my first impression but at least I was right about the voice. 

I still can’t quite believe my luck. It’s hard to comprehend how I, indecisive, disorganised and ever so slightly loopy, managed to ensnare this beautiful man, but I guess the world works in mysterious ways. Two and half years into marriage and I’m still crazy in love with him, to the point where it’s almost embarassing and as far I can tell he feels the same about me. Wonders will never cease. 

However, there is one rotten apple in our basket of bliss. 

The sex is ok. Just ok. 

Now, I know you can’t have everything in life but I just don’t understand it. It’s not like he’s awful or inexperienced or anything and he usually makes sure that I cum, but it’s like something’s missing. It’s almost as though he’s holding himself back. If I’m honest so am I but I’d hoped that I would be able to please him without needing to express the part of me that I try so hard to pretend doesn’t even exist. I love him too much to risk losing him because of something stupid like a fantasy. 

That used to be my mantra anyway. I don’t really know how I got to this point, I think the champagne cocktails Matt kept ordering for me last night may have had something to do with it. It was my birthday and he took me out on the town to celebrate, stating that I deserved a bit of glamour and fun. There was plenty of both up until the moment he started asking about my fantasies. I’d been sober every other time we’d had this conversation and I’d managed to fob him off with some creative bullshit about candles and rose petals. I thought I’d convinced him until I saw the look in his eyes, clear as day even through my champagne induced haze. He was using my inebriation to get his own way and if I hadn’t been so impressed by his plotting I might have been angry. 

As it was I simply assured him that I knew his game and that no matter how drunk he got me I wasn’t going to tell him anything about the spanking thing. 

Yes, bring me all your secrets everybody, I’m unbreakable. Except when a little tipsy and confused, in which instance I crack like an egg. So much for my pride. 

I don’t really remember much about the rest of the night, but I do know that, unfortunately, it wasn’t a dream. After a long morning in bed recovering and lots of tea and nurofen, Matt brought up my drunken confession. I tried to brush it of as a joke but he just stared me down and eventually I quietened. 

“It’s ok. Look at me. Do I look like someone who’s freaking out because his wife’s confessed she’s a little kinky?” 

I rolled my eyes but then couldn’t resist sneaking a peak at him. He actually looked radiant, can you say that about men? He looked calm and excited all at once and in a split second it occurred to me that this might turn out to be a good thing. A moment later my self doubt was back but I felt brave enough to at least talk about it and maybe even be a little honest. 

“No, but you’re so nice you would probably be ok with anything I said and I couldn’t bear it if you did something just because you thought I would like it” I was proud at how mature I sounded and expected him to be blown away by my clear thinking logic and selflessness. 

“Ok, first of all what the hell is wrong with wanting to do something just because it would make my wife happy, and secondly, how do you know you’d be the only one enjoying it?” 

Pardon the cliche, but my jaw literally fell open.  

His eyes twinkled knowingly at my reaction but he carried on regardless. “How do you know it wasn’t exactly what I was hoping you’d say? You have to stop making assumptions about me and what I think, you know me pretty well but sometimes you can hit completely off the mark.” 

My mind was so thrown by this new development that self-censure went out the proverbial window, “You mean you want to spank me?!”, I wasn’t sure whether I wanted him to say yes or no. Luckily I didn’t have too much time to ponder. 

“And much more besides.” 

Well, this was a turn up for the books! 

After even more tea and a long, agonisingly frank discussion about the finer details of our mutual desires and fantasies, I suddenly found myself bent over Matt’s knee with my knickers round my ankles and my arse naked and exposed. I was a little shocked at how simultaneously embarassed and turned on I was, I didn’t know whether to laugh or start humping his leg, but in the end I just lay there, waiting to see what would happen next. 

As I waited my mind went into overdrive. Would he regret this afterwards? Would I regret it? How much would it hurt? Was I just being ridiculous, did I really want to be spanked for God’s sake, I wasn’t a child! Would he know when to stop? Would I want him to? 

I was suddenly overwhelmed by all my fears and doubts and I went to stand up. It wasn’t too late, we could still brush the whole thing off and get back to our happy, normal, safe life and everything would be ok. 

“It’s ok, I’ve got you.” 

While still the sexiest voice I’ve ever heard (bar perhaps Johnny Depp) there was a strength and confidence in it that I would have sworn wasn’t there before and somehow it did feel ok. I loved him more than I’ve ever loved anyone and I trusted him with my heart, but the warmth and comfort coming from his hand on my back, the hard, solid feel of his legs beneath my body and the calm assurance and control in his voice gave me the courage to trust him with my body and maybe even with my soul. 

My acceptance must have shown itself in the release of tension in my body as Matt reacted as though I’d spoken my thoughts out loud. 

“Well done, you know I’ve got you. Just relax and open yourself up to me. I promise I won’t go further than you can take, you just have to trust me.” 

“I do trust you” 

“Good, now I’m going to start slowly and build up so be prepared. You may cry out if you need to and in fact I want you to, I don’t want you to try and hide your emotions, ok?” 

“Ok” 

“I want you to think of a word and if you really want me to stop for any reason I want you to say it. You will be punished if you use it prematurely but equally you will be punished if you don’t say it when you should. Do you understand?” 

“I understand.”, I had no idea what he meant by ‘punished’ but my pussy was certainly intrigued and I couldn’t stop the frisson of excitement his words caused from making me shiver with desire. I forced my mind back to the serious issue of a safe word. I’d read about such things but had never really believed that I’d ever have to come up with one myself. I knew it had to be memorable and completely innocuous so as not to be misunderstood, but I also wanted it to be meaningful and unique to us. 

“Break point.” 

It was almost too obvious but I knew he would get the double meaning. 

“Good.” 

There was a pause in which my heart pounded like a jackhammer in my chest, and then I felt the palm of his hand make contact with my ass for the first time. It was surprisingly real. I’m not entirely sure what I’d imagined but somehow the difference between fantasy and reality is the physicality of it, every sense alive with excitement and expectancy. 

As promised he build up the spanks steadily, increasing the speed and intensity until I was gasping with every hit. It didn’t hurt exactly, at least not at first. It more like an overload of sensation, and the intimacy of the moment almost overwhelmed me. I felt so exposed, so vulnerable that I was surprised to realise that I was close to using my safe word. I had assumed that it would be the pain that would be my weakness, but I enjoyed the physical sensations of the spankings. The emotions it brought up in me were much harder to take. 

As it went on the feelings of self doubt and fear seemed to bubble up inside me and I couldn’t keep them down. I was shaking as the spanks got harder and harder. I welcomed the pain but I feared the emotions, I daren’t let them free or he would see it all and that would be too much to bear. So I kept my mouth shut and tried my hardest to fight it, to fight the serenity of release that was beckoning me. I had wanted this for so long but now I was here I couldn’t do it. I hadn’t understood how much it would cost me or how much I would risk and I wished I could take it all back. 

I fought and fought and fought until I had nothing left to give and I broke. If I could have spoken I would have said my safe word, but I couldn’t get my mouth to work. There was nothing left for me to do except to wait for the rejection that I knew would come. 

Through all of my inner turmoil the spanks continued and now that I’d stopped fighting it I embraced the rhythm, the steady beat of his hand on my arse. I let myself sink into it and I found a peace that I’m not sure I’d ever felt before. I seemed to float on a sea of sensation and I allowed myself a moment of calm before the inevitable storm. 

Suddenly it stopped. It took me a second to realise that something had changed. Keeping me on his lap Matt tilted my head up towards him, allowing my body to shift round slightly. I tried to avoid his eyes, unwilling to share this one last part of myself. As usual though his patience won out and I couldn’t resist looking up at him. I have never felt so exposed, so known. I waited for the blow, the cutting remark or mocking word that would slice through my heart like a knife, not knowing how I would ever recover from this and swearing never to drink again, I clearly needed to be sober to keep myself safe. 

“I love you.” 

What? I must have looked confused as Matt chuckled gently. “Why is it always so hard for you to believe? I’d think you had a hard childhood but your parents are wonderful and I know they always told you they loved you.” 

“They did.” 

“Do you know what, I thinks it’s because you don’t love yourself.” 

“What? What are you talking about?” love myself, what on earth did he mean? I’m not arrogant, I know my own failings. 

“You don’t think anyone could see you, really see you, see into your very soul, see you at your must vulnerable, when you hate yourself the most and still love you. But I do. I see you, all of you and I love it. I love you.” 

I’m not usually good at emotional moments, I do my best to diffuse them with humour, but looking up at him from his lap, his hand resting comfortingly on my bare ass, I just couldn’t do it. 

My voice broke as I replied, “Thank you, thank you so much. I love you too. And I’m sorry.” Suddenly all the emotion that I couldn’t release during the spanking broke free and Matt pulled me up into his arms, holding me close. I felt exposed, and vulnerable and known and my ass was going to be sore for a few days but I was loved and that made it all ok. I held on tighter as I imagined what my life would be like if I hadn’t met him, and I sobbed into his chest. 

“It’s ok, I’ve got you.” 

And he did, he had all of me, for as long as he wanted.

Darkenhorse. “Her First Spanking.” Literotica.com. Literotica, 22 July 2010. Web. 07 May 2014. .

"Tell me what you’re thinking…"

I pulled the following excerpt from a story called “First Punishment” by verogenous which was posted on Literotica.com.  In this excerpt, we never actually get to the “first punishment” that is mentioned in the title, but this introduction really spoke volumes to me when I first came across it, so I just thought I’d share it…
—–

Since I was about 18 or so I have known I am sexually turned on by spanking and dominance. I accidentally ran across a “spanking magazine” and read a story about a young woman being spanked and made love to by her “Dom”. It turned me on so much I read that story over and over again until I almost had it memorized. By the time I met my husband and married him I had done as much reading as I could at that time (1982) on the subject and found many other forms of spanking and dominance had also turned me on. Somehow I just knew this little kink of mine was not a good thing and most people would never understand, so I had decided very early on, I would just have to keep this little dirty secret to myself. And I did until… 

One night about 6 months after we were married we were lying in bed talking after spending a long time making love and he pulled me close to him, looked me in the eye “Tell me what you’re thinking” 

This was a normal routine for us, since we were young and still learning I guess he had insecurities too that needed to be addressed, thus asking me on a regular basis my thoughts. As usual with me I was afraid to actually admit that I had been thinking sex would have been a whole lot better had he of taken me over his lap and spanked me slowly and sensually until my bottom was red all over and hot to the touch. Instead I answered that question as I always had 

“Nothing, just enjoying the afterglow.”  

At this point he would smile and hug me close to him and we would usually go to sleep, me lying on his chest and his body wrapped around mine.  

This night however; was not going to be the same for either of us again. He sighs heavily 
“Are you sure that’s what’s on your mind “little one”? 

Those words made my stomach flutter and my sex starting twitching and began to get really hot. I looked at him, studying his expression, his deep blue eyes staring a hole through me, yet he was slightly grinning at me. I looked at him for a long time before finally asking,
“What would make you ask me that again?”  

He sighed again and pulled me even closer to him and whispered in my ear.
“I think I know a naughty little girl who may need her ass spanked for not being honest with me.” 

I was so stunned at his words, I actually jumped off the bed and stood there, literally shaking and starring at him, I couldn’t talk, my mouth was dry and my throat was totally constricted. His eyes began to sparkle and he broke out into a huge smile as he reached under the bed and pulled out my “collection” of books, magazines and pictures I had cut out of magazines of different spanking implements. I was so totally shocked, I felt my knees knocking and my legs become too weak to hold me up, I fell to the floor onto my knees, leaning back on my heels, I can feel the embarrassment flood throughout my body as my whole body to the top of my head blushed profusely. The whole time asking myself how in the hell he found the box, it had been hidden back in our guest room closet where I keep the extra blankets and junk I don’t want anyone to see. My hubby had been quite busy it seems and had actually taken the time to read my material and do a little research of his own. He had decided when the time was right he would let me know, as always with this man, he took his time and made sure whatever it is he’s involving himself in he needs to be sure he understands and knows what he’s doing. He reached over and wiped the stray lock of hair that had fallen over my eye, wrapped it around my ear and moved to the floor where I was kneeling and sat beside me, holding me tightly to his chest and then begins to speak. He turned my face so that I was looking into his eyes.  

“Baby doll” (That’s my nickname he has always used for me) “Why didn’t you tell me you were into spanking and D/s?”  

I was still unable to speak and leaned my head on his shoulder. He pulls me back and makes me look directly into his eyes; I see nothing but love and a whole lot of lust. Anyway, to make a long story short, I finally did open up and told him how turned on I get from spanking and dominance. He in turn opened up to me, letting me know he had never given it any thought until he stumbled across my “secret box”. He expressed a sincere desire to indulge both of us in this little kink of mine and had come up with all sorts of ideas he would like to try as well. We began our little journey that night as he pulled us both up off the floor together and sat down on the bed, slowly turned me over his lap and ever so lovingly spanked me until I was begging him to make love to me again. Needless to say, that night we slept maybe two hours and nine months later our first beautiful little boy came into this world.

Verogenous. “First Punishment.” Literotica.com. Literotica, 15 Nov. 2005. Web. 06 May 2014. .
—–

Before I started being more open with my fiancé, we would have moments in bed just after making love where the dialogue for the beginning of this story could have been ours verbatim.  Why didn’t I ever say anything?  Because I was embarrassed!  Because I hadn’t accepted that part of me.  Because I wasn’t really sure of what I wanted, though spanking was certainly the predominating item on a very short list.  How could I say “I want you to spank me…no, not those silly love pats.  I mean really spank me.”  Or, maybe I was wrong? Maybe I just thought I wanted it.  Maybe it should just stay a fantasy.

Eventually, we did talk about it after I casually brought it up a few times.  My fiancé has been a big help in getting me to be more open.  He even realizes that spanking is a part of me – it is more than just a fantasy.  He accepts me for who I am and now our communication is improving and our lovemaking has increased greatly.  Even though this did take him by surprise and he was a little hesitant, we are helping each other work through our reservations and becoming stronger as a couple.