Category Archives: Wanting It All

Livia Grant’s Protecting It All is now available!

It seems I’ve come down with a sinus infection and a severe inner ear infection (very painful) so I’m taking a break from my storytelling to let everyone know that Livia Grant’s Protecting It All was released last Saturday.

This is the fourth book in the Passion Series. This book focuses on bringing Brianna’s ex-boyfriend Jake Davenport to justice. We saw how he terrorized Brianna physically and how he could scare the hell out of Tiffany emotionally without even touching her. Now, we dive into his House of Pain and get to see Lukus and his security team at Titan Security rally to take Davenport down. Can they get him before he has the chance to hurt anyone else we care about?

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Forever and Always

I used to write stories of events that actually haven’t happened outside of my head.  These were usually stories of things that I might have liked to have happened…for instance, if I wanted a conversation to go a certain way between Tom and myself, then I would make up a dialogue and scene to go with it. After reading it, Tom would understand where I’m coming from a little better and then we could have a conversation about it. This is one of those stories.

—–

“Come with me.” Your expression tells me I shouldn’t argue, and you hold out your hand expectantly.

I’m not exactly sure what to think. Slowly, I reach out and you take my hand. You turn and you pull me toward our bedroom. You take me to the bench at the end of our bed and sit down before pulling me over your lap. Lots of emotions are running through my head – anxiety, excitement, slight confusion, and yes, even a little fear.

You rest your left hand on my waist and your other hand starts caressing my bottom. “I think it’s time for a change. You haven’t had quality time over my knee in a while, so I’m going to change that.”

“Umm…” You pop my bottom hard three times, but they don’t really make much of an impression as my jeans are still on.

“All I want to hear from you right now is, ‘Yes, Sir.’”

“Yes, Sir,” I reply quietly.

“Stand up for a minute.” You unbuckle my belt and undo the button on my jeans. Then, you slide them down to my ankles and tip me back over.

You start spanking in a light and playful manner at first. A couple of minutes go by before you say, “I know you miss this.” I nod even though it wasn’t a question. “Lift up a bit, My Love.” He slides my panties down and massages my cheeks. “You aren’t even pink, yet. Let’s try to fix that.”

You start spanking again but harder this time.  Another minute or two passes.

“You don’t blog or talk about this as much anymore. Why do you think that is?”

I just shrug my shoulders. The next volley comes hard and fast from your strong hand. “Yes, you do know.”

You pause to grab something behind you. I don’t know what it is, but I have a feeling that I’m about to find out. Smack! “Oh!” It’s definitely made of wood.

Smack! “I think you’re afraid, but I’m just not sure what you are afraid of… Are you afraid of me?”

Smack “No! Ow!”

Smack! “Then, what are you afraid of?”

Smack! “I guess I’m afraid of getting hurt.” You pause and I can tell you are wondering if you are hurting me now.

Rubbing my lower back, you ask, “Does that mean you don’t trust me anymore? That you don’t trust me not to hurt you?”

“I do trust you…I just feel that it’s been so long since we’ve played that maybe my pain tolerance isn’t what it was and you may not remember that I’ll need a warm up. Also, I don’t always want to put any expectations on either of us when it comes to playing. And, I really don’t know how to tell you exactly what I want when I’m not sure myself.”

You start rubbing my bottom again which is starting to feel really good. “I guess it’s just become easier to not say anything whether it’s online, in a journal, or when we’re talking. I know I don’t want this to become repetitive to where either of us get bored….and I don’t want it to always be predictable.”

“Like this?” My rear is met with a quick few swats.

“Mhm… Sometimes I would like a spanking to be for fun or be more serious or be for naughty reasons. Sometimes I’d like more of a warm-up and/or more aftercare.” You throw in three hard and fast swats for each cheek.

“Guilt! Guilt is another reason. I feel guilty for wanting all of this in the first place. I know it isn’t easy for you. I think about spanking a lot and see lots of opportunities for it, but I know you mainly associate it with love making. I don’t want to burden you with something that I think I want…it’s not a need after all.”

You pause again, “Do you like giving blow jobs?”

“You know I told you that I used to hate giving them.”

“But you give me head and do it quite well for someone who can’t stand it. Why do you do that for me?”

“Because I love you and because I know you enjoy it.” You pick up the brush or paddle, again. “Oh! Ouch!”

“Exactly, so what makes you think I wouldn’t do the same for you and for the same reasons?”

“Yikes! Because… I know I’m not worth the effort!” My eyes start watering.

“That’s it. Stand up and look at me.” With tears in my eyes, I slowly look up at you. You hold my face in your hands as you look back at me. “I love you with all my heart. You mean the world to me. You need to stop thinking so badly of yourself.” You pull me in close for a firm hug that makes me feel protected.

“I want you to spend a few minutes in the corner in the hallway by our bedroom door. Put your hands behind your back holding your elbows, feet apart, and forehead against the corner. I’m going to fix the bed and then I’ll come get you. I am sorry that this year has been so rough on us and especially on you. I know it may  not have seemed like it, but I need you to know that I’ve never stopped loving you. I want to be here to love, cherish, and protect you forever and always. Use this time to think about what I’ve said.”

“Yes, Sir,” as I turn to obey, he smacks my retreating rear.

…to be continued.

Livia Grant’s Having It All is now available!

Livia Grant‘s Having It All was released last week! This is the third book in the Passion Series which started with Wanting it All and was followed by Securing It All. Having It All shares Markus and Brianna’s journey as they alter their vanilla relationship into a D/s relationship. They explore each other in a new way which makes their connection to each other stronger than before and we get to see the renewed excitement they have in each other after having worked past her infidelity and the secrets they were keeping from each other.

Along with witnessing this couple’s changing dynamics, we also get fully involved in their best friends’ budding relationship. Lukus and Tiffany have varying degrees of experience in BDSM. Lukus is a Master of Masters and Tiffany has only ever been to a few BDSM clubs and read lots of erotic books. After falling head over heels for each other, Lukus slowly introduces Tiffany to what she’s been missing. As with any new relationship, they hit a few bumps along the way as they get to know each other, but the connection they develop is absolutely amazing.

Brianna and Tiffany are strong and independent women, yet they both realize they need something more. They both desire to be taken in hand and Markus and Lukus are just the men to give them what they want without changing who they are at their core. Each person learns how to change and bend for the one he or she loves and it is very exciting to watch as it happens. This book takes us along for the ride as they start enjoying having it all.

It’s a little scary just how much I identify with Tiffany and the way she feels…her confusion, desire, wants, needs, fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, etc. I love following the development of all the characters – how they bend to each other as they begin to explore new their new relationship dynamics. Love is an amazing emotion and it really shines through in each of the characters as the story continues to play out. Needless to say, I cannot wait for the next book!

Congratulations, Livia, on another job well done! Thank you for creating a world that I love visiting time and again.

The Earth Continues to Turn (and Livia Grant’s Securing It All Has Been Released)

Right now, I feel like it isn’t real.  I don’t know what to think or how to feel.  I feel like I haven’t had enough time to grieve and to accept this.  I still have to get up, go to work, and actually function while I’m there.  I have to pick up the boys and get homework done.  Thankfully, my fiancé  and his brother (who is spending a couple of weeks with us) are able to help even though they are also trying to grieve and figure out how to move on.
This is hard.  None of us were ready.  It’s just not fair.  We have gone through a lot of emotional turmoil in the last few months.  Things were looking up.  We stepped up to help raise our nephews.  My fiancé  started talking with his two brothers again after years of silence.  Life wasn’t perfect, but we were adjusting to the changes we were experiencing and coming out better and stronger.  Then all of a sudden, this happens.  At least, Dad had a chance to see his grandsons in good hands and his boys communicating with each other again.  I know he was happy and he knew he was loved by many people.
The funeral service was nice on Saturday.  There were pictures, stories, and a slideshow of memories.  My fiancé  spoke during the service.  He told a story, read a letter from his uncle, and also read a very short eulogy that I typed up.  The eulogy was meant to be an example that he could go off of, instead it made him realize that I saw the same person he did in his father so he left it as it was and just shared what I said.
My dad, TF III, was a loving husband, father, grandfather, son, brother, and friend to many people.  He was a man who knew he could do anything and if he couldnt do it, then he knew he wasnt trying hard enough.  He raised his six kids to be strong and independent.  When things got tough, there was always one thing you could count on he was always there.  He always had his candid advice readily available…whether we wanted it or not.  He let us bump our heads until we figured it out, but he was definitely there in the background watching over us.  
Even though the service allowed us all to grieve together in the company of family and friends, I didn’t feel any closure.  I think a big part of that is because we didn’t have a chance to have an open-casket and Dad’s cremated remains hadn’t even arrived yet.  So, we had a service…but with nothing physically there to say goodbye to.  I am not a religious person, so please forgive me if I do not believe or see things the way you do.  I do, however, greatly appreciate the support, thoughts, and prayers that many of you have been sending our way. You are helping us get through this by doing what you can and I want to thank you.
The other part of not feeling closure is not knowing what actually happened.  This is eating at me.  I want the secondary accident report and the autopsy report.  There are unanswered questions and I want answers.  My fiancé ‘s uncle is attempting to request the reports and hopefully then I can start accepting this.  I can feel myself pushing down the emotions and avoiding having to deal with them by busying myself with other things.  It’s not like the world has stopped turning so there are plenty of other things that need to be done…like paying the bills, buying costumes for the boys, and checking on other family members.  I’ve even started reading blogs again, just not as often.
As a side note, I took a little time to make it through the first chapter of Livia Grant’s second book, Securing It All, which released on September 26th.  This book is as amazing as the first one with its ability to keep you engaged with the characters, and it starts off wonderfully with the main characters beginning their journey to rebuild trust.  I definitely look forward to when I feel up to reading the rest of the book and will then be not so patiently waiting for the next release in the series.  
Also, I was pleasantly suprised to find out that Livia has her own webpage and blog now!  You can check it out here (www.liviagrant.com).

Life has changed, but first…

I picked up my long-anticipated copy of Wanting It All from Amazon's Kindle Store on Saturday!  I've been trying to find time to sit down and read, but as you will soon find out, the time for that little luxury has been severely depleted.  As of this morning, I have successfully completed chapter one and am excitedly looking forward to continuing the rest of the book as time allows. 
Congrats to Livia Grant!  You are now a published author!

The wonders of lurking…

I’ve been aimlessly wandering through blogland recently. I’ll click on a link, usually through Bonnie’s MBS blog, and read about someone else’s experiences. I might stick around for a few minutes reading recent posts and then I’ll click on the next one and repeat the process. So, what am I doing? What am I looking for? I guess I’m just trying to gain perspective. I want to see what might or what might not be working for other couples in TTWD. I’m looking for things I might want to discuss, but maybe most of all…I’m still trying to convince myself I’m not alone in how I think, how I feel, and what I want.

I’m finding that not only do a lot of us share this desire to be spanked, but we also share a lot of other things that come with TTWD. We have the same relationship caveats, the same fears, doubts, and confusion regarding roles and expectations. I see the lulls in relationships where nothing happens and the highs where everything is perfect. I see the fear and doubt bubble up into an overwhelming sense of being lost when things are confusing – am I doing something wrong? is it enough? maybe I’m expecting too much?

Each person feels at fault when things don’t go as expected, when you both aren’t on the same page. It’s amazing that the feelings are the same whether you are the Top or the bottom – only the perspective is different. It’s all there – fear, doubt, loss of self-confidence, not being enough, general confusion. It seems that relationships in TTWD are indeed stronger and more open, but with the extreme highs, we can also experience extreme lows. It all sounds like a terrifying roller coaster of trust. So, the questions are…what do you want? Can we compromise when we don’t agree? Is it worth it?

How will you know any of those answers if you don’t communicate?

I know it’s easier said than done. I’m not writing/typing this for all of you because I magically know all the answers. I’m actually talking about this for me because I don’t have all the answers. I still don’t know what exactly it is that I want, I’m not sure what it is that I need, and I have no idea what the difference is between what I want vs. what I need or how to communicate any of it effectively.

It all works so seamlessly in my fantasies, but even I’m not the same person in my fantasies as I am in reality. Role playing doesn’t work for me because I have never been able to act like someone I’m not. I’m not the college student with bad behavior problems, I’m not the secretary who makes an abundance of typos, and I’m not the naughty wife who pays bills late or flirts with random guys. Now, please don’t misunderstand me. I know I am far from being perfect.

At home, I can think things to death before coming up with an answer. I am the type of person who will drop everything to help someone else. I lack self-confidence in many things I do. I’m shy about what I want and unsure about what I need. I fear the unknown and too much change makes me nervous. At work, it’s another story. I project confidence and do what’s needed to get the job done. If I don’t know the answer, I’ll ask someone. If they don’t know, then I’ll research and discuss any issues with the customer.

How can I be these two very different people? I don’t even know when the switch occurs. When I get home, the change isn’t immediate, but it definitely leaves me feeling lost and confused. I just don’t know what to expect.

Am I submissive? I know I act like I am, but it really depends on the situation. Do I want him to be the only one in control? Sometimes, but not all the time. Sometimes I want to have fun. Sometimes I want to be punished (for what I have no clue). Mostly I want him to know what I want and to be able to give it to me.

Update on Wanting It All by Livia Grant

For those of you who wandered over to the Wanting It All story on Literotica from my post back in June, I just wanted to let you know that the author LB Grant has taken it down from the site.  I just happened to notice this because I was in the middle of reading it again when it went down, so I wandered over to her biography page and found that she has a few release dates with Blushing Books that we can look forward to under the pen name Livia Grant!  The orignal story is broken into two books as part of the Passion Series.  The first book is called Wanting It All with a publish date around August 5th, and second book is called Securing It All with a publish date around September 5th of this year.  The third book is the continuation of the story called Having It All and a fourth book (not yet titled) will be available towards the end of the year.  If interested, you can read more about it here

Congratulations, LB Grant!  I'm very excited for you and can't wait to order my copy of your first book!
Edit - The release date for the first book has been pushed back to August 22nd.  It is still worth the wait!

Wanting It All

So, speaking of wanting it all, there is a twelve-chapter story on Literotica that I really got into at the end of last year.  It’s appropriately titled Wanting It All by LB Grant.  This well-written story touches on many facets of BDSM and TTWD.  Some scenes appealed to me and others definitely stretched my limits. However, LB has the ability to keep you engaged and connected with each of the characters even through harder, more intense scenes.

Throughout the story, there is never a dull moment even in-between the scenes.  She uses this normally uneventful space to allow for a natural progression in the storyline and to create connections among the various characters.  Before you know it, you are suddenly emotionally invested.  You want – no, you need everything to magically work out for everyone involved.

This story shows why open communication is so important in relationships.  It shows why some secrets and personal desires are meant to be shared especially with someone you love and trust.  It clearly shows the importance of safewords and the difference between consent and abuse – although it could be argued that you cannot make things right by two wrongs (cheating + borderline consent/non-consent punishment normally does not = happily ever after). Even so, the story is certainly intriguing.

Personally, there were two things that really appealed to me – 1) Every character has a chance to examine his/her own faults and how each had a hand in how they got to where they are today.  Each person looks back on his/her experiences and learns from them. 2) At some point, two of the Doms (as well as the women themselves) realize that they actually have no desire to change the women they love from who they are.  The women are strong-willed, opinionated, and independent, but sometimes they need a strong, level-headed man to take them in hand and give them what they desire.  They all learn that they don’t want to lose the playful banter and sassiness that easily go back and forth during normal every day activities, but sometimes, especially in the bedroom, they want to play.  In other words, they “want it all.”

Overall, I recommend giving this story a try.  Just remember some scenes are a little tough to get through (try to skim/skip over them if they are too much for you) because I promise it does get better and some scenes at the end are very good learning experiences for everyone.

All scenes are M/F.  Some scenes I would classify as somewhat hardcore, especially for some. Almost all scenes include bondage, some non-consent/reluctance, some anal play, minor ageplay, one gynecological doctor scene, Domination/submission, power exchange, domestic discipline, etc.

Synopsis:
The first chapter starts off with a pretty heavy scene where the main character, Brianna, is in the middle of cheating on her husband with her ex-boyfriend.  It very quickly goes from consensual spanking play to non-consensual sex.  Now, normally stories that begin like this, I do not get into because it’s just not my cup o’ tea, but I decided to stick with it and kept reading.

Over the next couple chapters, Brianna is found out by her husband who takes her to be punished at a local dungeon where he just so happens to know the owner (look who else is keeping secrets?!).

Once her husband leaves, Brianna is coerced (mostly through guilt) into signing an agreement to proceed with being punished.  So, it starts.  Intermixed with phases of her punishment, you begin to understand why Brianna did what she did.  You are also introduced to her husband’s past and find out how secretive everyone has been up to this point.

As secrets are revealed and pasts are analyzed, more characters get involved and suddenly it’s considerably more complicated than a single couple’s marital problems.  Emotions run high, inner demons are fought, limits are pushed, and trust must be rebuilt.  After the climax of the story (which is chalk full of emotional turmoil for both the characters and the reader – that’s the only warning you’ll get from me), you get to see love and trust begin anew and you will bear witness to an experienced dom gently introducing a newbie to the scene.  You’ll be exposed to a softer, loving side of D/s which is exactly what we all need to wind down.

As one crazy weekend of Wanting It All comes to a close, I for one cannot wait until the next story comes out where we actually get a taste of Having It All.

I’d like to openly thank LB Grant for the exciting ride that she has provided us with so far!